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In Response to the ‘18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating’

This has been circulating on social media. I had to respond. My thoughts will be in bold italics.

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested. - This is a silly notion that caring more is a competition. If someone cares “less” than you or if they don’t care about you as much as you think you deserve, then why are you dating them?

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun. - If someone doesn’t text you back to play a game with you, then why are you dating them? And if you don’t know if they’re playing a game with you… that’s a lame excuse. If someone doesn’t text you or call you back within a reasonable amount of time, chances are they aren’t interested and you should move on. 

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two. - Communication is a really cool tradition that’s been upheld by adult relationships over time. It’s timeless. Try it. 

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options. - How about you make the phone call, or once again, meet in person. This is just a consequence of our developing technology and if you don’t like it, make a change and communicate how you want to with your interest or partner.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table. - If someone says “maybe” to an invite… then why are you waiting on them to make your plans? Move on and say, ok that’s fine, I can make my own plans. Chances are they don’t want to see you or there is a conflicting plan or responsibility. 

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles. - What is this even talking about? Why would you relish in the suffering of someone else if you were so hurt by what they did to you? Move on. The only person you’re hurting by not moving on is yourself. 

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all. - the right one will know the difference.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay. - Self-control and that good ol’ communication can knock this one down. Also, you know what they say about assuming, right?

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not untilafter they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory. - Here again we find ourselves at communication. While I agree that people lie to get what they want… If you’re encountering this problem chances are you haven’t really taken the time to get to know the person you’ve just slept with.  

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.- That is an asinine assumption. Okay, it’s not totally out of the question, but if it’s that important, why not call? If they don’t respond then wait a reasonable amount of time by your own judgement and if it doesn’t meet your satisfaction, then move on because this person isn’t right for you.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together. How about you use that ancient idea called communication and point-blank say what you want or ask what the other person wants. 

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening. If you think your interest/partner is going to cheat… social media isn’t what is causing it… it’s them. They aren’t for you. It’s pretty simple. 

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family. - again… really? If this person sees a menu of people on Facebook they probably see it in public, too. This isn’t the root of the problem, it is the person. 

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced. - This is definitely a problem. Every person has cautions and walls. Get to know each other and don’t rush. Take your time and move at your own pace. Open up yourself to the possibility of something great and be vulnerable. If it doesn’t work out, get up and try again. If you don’t want to, then you shouldn’t be dating. 

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts. - Vulnerability. It’s a must. If you’re not ready, again, you shouldn’t be dating. 

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you. - Do I really have to tell you what the problem is here? How old is this person that you’ve decided to date? 16? Adults communicate. 

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone. - This is where your own self-control and your relationship with the other person will play out.  Again, what is Girl Code and guy code? This is a matter of respect within the relationship, not outside factors.

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate - Being dumped is brutal no matter when, how, why it’s done. It sucks. 

This should be just called the ‘18 Ugly Traits of People I Don’t Want to Date’ 

Truth is, there are assholes out there. People will hurt you. Vulnerability is a must when finding love and if you aren’t ready to be in that state of mind then you shouldn’t be dating because you have to let someone in to love or to get hurt. It’s a scary road. If someone is treating you a way that you don’t want to be treated it is NOT because of “modern times” it is because they are an asshole. 



Chloe Early (b.1980, Ireland)

Working in oils on linen and aluminium panel, Cork-born artist Chloe Early has developed a unique style that is simultaneously lush and raw. The romantic and the gritty meet in her paintings, which tease out a distinctively poetic worldview through the juxtaposition of extremes. At their core is a sensitivity to lyrical feelings and themes - love, beauty, innocence and softness - which collide with more worldly symbols of aggression and degradation, such as bullets, bombs, urban refuse and ruins. Graduated from NCAD in Dublin in 2003, Chloe moved to London in 2004 where she has lived and worked since. Her paintings have been exhibited worldwide with group and solo shows.

Solo show Suspended @ The Outsiders London

© All images courtesy the artist

[more Chloe Early | artist found at Juxtapoz]

Why The Men’s Rights Movement Is Garbage


From The Belle Jar:

I need to take a moment here to talk about the Men’s Rights Movement, because there seems to be some confusion. Actually, there seems to be a whole lot of confusion.

Over the past little while, I’ve had a number of people challenge me on calling out men’s rights activists (hereafter referred to as MRAs). “But men are oppressed too,” people say. “Feminism is sexist, and it teaches men that masculinity is wrong.” “Straight, white men aren’t allowed to be proud of themselves anymore.” “If you believe in equality, then you should want men to have the same type of activism as women.” “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.”

First of all, yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion. But let’s not pretend that all opinions are created equal – some are based on fact, and some are total bullshit. Like, I could tell you that I believe that vaccines cause autism, and that would be my opinion, but it would also be demonstrably untrue. So let’s not pretend that all opinions should be given the same consideration, because we both know better than that.

Second of all, let’s get one thing straight: men, as a group, do not face systematic oppression because of their gender. Am I saying that literally no men out there are oppressed? No, I am for sure not saying that. Men can and do face oppression and marginalization for many reasons – because of race, class, sexuality, poverty, to name a few. Am I saying that every white cishet dude out there has an amazing life because of all his amassed privilege? Nope, I’m not saying that either. There are many circumstances that might lead to someone living a difficult life. But men do not face oppression because they are men. Misandry is not actually a thing, and pretending that it’s an oppressive force on par with or worse than misogyny is offensive, gross, and intellectually dishonest. [Rest.]

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